The Best New Feature Of iOS 9.3

The Futureslaver in-house AI, SALLY, sent a message to the team regarding a pattern observable in smart phone development. Apparently she decided to run a pattern check of the modern day smart phone against all known life forms. The matching result was fascinating: Bacteria!

With the total data collected SALLY was able to determine one result of the pattern when extrapolating out plus five years or minus ten years. She predicted the smart phone to continue enlarging in size and eventually merging with VR. At that point daily usage will average plus six hours per day as VR/smart phone use will evolve into a common way to interact with the workplace. After that crucial point the phone will bypass "the human firewall" and become implanted in the brain. Without getting into the affects of a phone-brain interface, we just want to highlight SALLY's observation, which is that the phone eventually will become a human hardware device behaving similarly to bacteria. That is, invading our bodies and attaining a symbiotic relationship. 

We know for a fact that bacteria do not have consciousness and do not plot to invade other life forms. They just execute a simple command to live within a host and when the command is compromised the mutation process occurs. Basically, what is happening here is simple encryption and decryption.  

Therefore, we here at Futureslaver HQ wanted to give everyone a heads up to the best function of iOS 9.3: Night Shift. F.lux developed the technology and Apple decided to incorporate it into iPhones and iPads with the latest software upgrade. The function of Night Shift is to block out the blue light emitting from screens, timing that with the night and day light cycle. It is a fairly well known fact that the blue light within a screen is picked up by the brain which then alerts the body to stay awake. If smart phones were biological, the process of reducing sleep worldwide within humans could be viewed as an epidemic or an attack, rendering people tired and heavily negatively affecting all of civilization. 

Thankfully, f.lux  developed a vaccine to one of the first pre-conscious robot attacks - sleep deprivation. F.lux also works great on laptops. Android users will want to go with the app Twilight, which is basically the same thing as Night Shift.

To activate Night Shift on iPhones and iPads, simply go to settings - brightness and display - then activate. We do recommend a 7:00 p.m. activation time for users with regular work hours.