Two Comets To Make Close Calls With Planet Earth

Astronomers are excited to get a glimpse of a comet that will be close enough to see with the naked eye in the southern hemisphere, provided the city lights don't block the view. According to astronomical sources, this will be the closest a comet has passed by Earth since 1770.

But before that comet gets dangerously close, its twin will arrive first in the wee hours of Monday morning, appearing as a glowing green rock. One cannot help but wonder if this is just a publicity stunt for Superman vs. Batman which arrives in theaters sometime soon. A kryptonite comet just coincidentally passing by Earth at the same time Superman hits the big screen?  I don't think so. Something tells me Lex Luther is up to no good again. Our inside source, Ed Nankerwall, went on the record and stated, "no, I don't think there is any connection between the movie release date and the comets. I'm just hoping we don't become the next fossil fuel. It's like every goddamn week a comet gets too close for comfort. My theory is that insectazoid giant alien creatures on a distant planet are hurling these rocks at us."

We can only hope that neither of these comets collide with our planet and ruin the opening of the pre-summer superhero blockbuster.